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"God On Fire - in my arms...in my mind...." February 20, 2006




(Today is August 15, 2020. As I excavate writings for my new memoir, I found this email. Long before Facebook, I sent out these writings to certain friends. They are Postmarks on Infinity for me).



I have these moments of profound connection with the

ONE. In between moments of murking around in condition

and the banterings of a monkey mind.

I believe that when Jesus is attributed to saying that

he will destroy the world with fire that indeed he

meant the world of ignorance through the FIRE of

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

When a Master cuddles up in your arms, succumbed by

fever--a different kind of fire, wrapped in your LOVE,

literally near your heart, it is easy to experience

that pure state of UNCONDITIONAL ESSENCE as I see his

WHOLENESS. As Vincent slept on my lap last night, I

kissed him, gently and gratefully as not to awaken him

from his sweet slumber knowing part of his SPIRIT has

gone off to play with other friends in the dimensions

of dreamland while part of him anchors in his feverish

body resting on me. Recognizing the POWER and

PRESENCE in this fierce fire of LIGHT, my wild child

of the Universe, my "WHY??" guy, I felt this wave of

LOVE, one that moves mountains and heals, deeply. I

wanted my LOVE to heal him. Today he seemed to be back

to his normal, wild self.

Earlier yesterday evening Anthony was in his forest

green flannel, footed pajamas. Snug as a bug in a rug.

How I wish I had one like his. Crazy curly hair, snot

all over, rosy cheeked and wired on his natural zest

for life, I watched him as he bounced around on the

sofa bed after having been in my room like a Mexican

jumping bean in a little half Sicilian body. I was

watching his every move, expression, way of being. I

was mesmerized by his movements of LIGHT.

Then I stared at Bella whose eyes were glazed on the

Olympic games---her longer hair, longer face, longer

fingers. Amazing how the body shapeshifts after time.

Remembering her when she was Anthony's sweet age.

Around three years old she had come into my room as I

had the Dalai Lama on the Internet receiving an

honorary degree. She drew pictures on the floor, went

back and forth to get snacks. Then, out of nowhere she

came back in and placed her palms together and bowed

at the screen. I was dumbstruck at this child's

awareness of the depth of respect for such a teacher.

Kids know the TRUTH when they see it. We should be

bowing to them for awakening us, reminding us of the

teachings of every MASTER that they embody. They have

such FAITH and BELIEF in the GOOD that is LIFE. She

also is an Indigo child, I just know. Embodying such

LIGHT in her troubled brain that learns differently

than her friends. I remind her daily of her uniqueness

and strengths of BEING, such a creative SPIRIT who

used to sing songs lamenting the death of a bird in

the alley.

I look at these kids and I see the universe expanding.

I see GOD in their every revelation and whine. Yes,

whine. I see LIFE just wanting to experience ever so

deeply the diversity of being in every

emotion--whether it's swinging around on the front

lawn with me, fighting with each other, melting in

chocolate chip cookies, waving at the people on the

Moon, playing in the backyard after chasing fireflies

or chasing away squirrels like their crazy, Italian

grandmother, daydreaming on a spring day under the

clouds on a Mexican blanket my best friend Judy bought

years ago or traveling to mystical dimensions by the

wave of a magical blue-green crayon. I see only LOVE

manifested. In every expression and experience. I see

the CREATIVE GENIUS alive and well in these forces of

nature.

This is the FIRE that Jesus shared. The FIRE of LIFE.

To LOVE so deeply. So passionately present with the

PRESENCE. My pint size gurus have taught me well.

About the exhilaration of BEING.

I saw with such CLARITY how each of them is GOD. LIGHT

incarnate. Miniature mirrors of the universe.

Reflecting to me the TRUTH. How very beautiful.

I have felt this urge for the past two weeks to throw

my clothes in a suitcase, grab my hiking boots and a

camera and snag one of those incredible last minute

travel deals and sit with the mountain masters.

Sometimes I feel like I am insane with so much LIGHT

pouring through, wanting to express and experience the

sensualness of being. To taste the world. To dance

around the fires of each mystical land. Engaging in

the powerful PRESENCE in the myriad of expressions of

LIFE. I feel like I am on FIRE or am I just in it,

such a time of transition and transmutation for me. I

am the molded clay in the firepit being glazed into

being. But I'm a shapeshifter, malleable and always

moving in the direction of greater consciousness

expansion. NO one size fits all mold for me. I'm not

your average cup of tea. Margot understands this

aspect of my being. As we talk about it on my drive to

work today. She confirms that I am not crazy, just

full of LIFE.

I feel like my kids ground me. Bring me back to my

senses and stabilize me from floating off somewhere.

They sleep on my lap so I don't drift into outer

space. So that I know that GOD is indeed right in

front of me even though the mountains, rivers, oceans

and dusty roads of ancient lands and the MYSTERY of

LIFE hauntingly lure me. I have more work to do in

Dallas. Digging deeper in Inward Journey seeing where

my mind can be lazy or distracted. Manifesting so I

can prove these PRINCIPLES. Ah, hell, I manifest so

much LOVE. It will translate into money, soon. But I

am on FIRE with so much LOVE in my heart.

So I walk around. Not like a voyeur. But a witness of

the ONE. Seeing GOD today in everything especially

myself. My mood lighter than last night's energy.

Something didn't feel right and I just wouldn't accept

it. I meditated and treated instead. Work was easy

and effortless after getting there late through my

grumpy rantings to Margot about modern life and

traffic jams with a chicken truck in front of me.

All I could think about was the scene in "Chicken Run"

that I saw a thousand times with the kids, "I don't

want to be a pie!!" I was enjoying being human and

laughing at myself. I realize it's all part of some

cosmic game, some grand adventure in SPIRIT. I want

to be as present and funny as possible and not so full

of my lower ego self.

Sometimes I feel like my eyeballs are going to pop out

as I stare at LIFE all around me. My heart feels the

same way too--unable to contain itself in this small

space of a body. I stand in place twirling about

immersed in the knowing that it is ALL GOD. ALL of it.

The good, the annoying, the dude in his big truck

riding my ass on the slick freeway this morning. After

a few choice words I laughed that I just chewed out

GOD for being too close on a winter mix day. LOL I

wonder if he saw what shade lipstick of Bobbi Brown I

had on ranting about scooting back. GOD should really

know better, don't you think. LOL

This energy has continued all day. I was awestruck

earlier, while filling my tank at Mobile, at the

cacophony of crows cawing. A gathering of the black

feathered masters whose groups meet all around this

city lined along the trees near the streets seemingly

laughing at us. I really think they do. Strange. Yet

eerily beautiful. GOD moving about with wings and

beaks and opinions of people stuck in traffic. At one

intersection they move in waves, like a ballet before

the sunset. Amazing. I felt this tingling up and down

my spine as I melted into the ONENESS of being. As I

entered the carwash I sang at the top of my lungs to

Micheal Gott's "Allellujah" from one of the CSL

service tapes. The water rinsing any residue off my

car and off my mind. The singing moving energy around

the world.

Anyhow, a FIRE was moving through me. I was reviewing

for my test and had this surge of energy. If only I

could have written the songs that had poured through

and I'm not even a songwriter. Skits for a funny play.

Sometimes I wonder if SPIRIT just says, "Hey LOOK,

she's ON, move through!!!" as they ZAP me with these

waves of LIGHT rushing through so fast for me to

capture on pen and paper these ideas. I was making

myself laugh. Too bad you gals missed it. LOL

So there. My FIRE feelings. Just musing along. Loving

life. Loving you. Loving GOD.

How all so very beautiful.

Oh, one last thing. A woman called to order medical

supplies for her mom's eye surgery and when I asked

her last name she said it was Allgood. I laughed and

told her how I LOVED it because that is my mantra, it

IS ALL GOOD. AND, she lived on Wright lane. Right

lane. YES, it's ALL RIGHT. Just tickled me. I wondered

if the Universe was messing with me with those names.

LOL

Thanks for being a witness to my mind. Crazy or not,

here I AM. :) If necessary, bring me back to Earth. I

have bills to pay and sending LOVE alone is not going

to cut it. LOL But today and last night I LOVED

fully and deeply and have been so immersed in the

PRESENCE. That should have deposited a few million in

my checking account automatically. AND SO IT IS. :)

In the LIGHTNESS of BEING. Remember the TRUTH of who

you are.

Love you.

V. :)

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