(Today is August 15, 2020. As I excavate writings for my new memoir, I found this email. Long before Facebook, I sent out these writings to certain friends. They are Postmarks on Infinity for me).
I have these moments of profound connection with the
ONE. In between moments of murking around in condition
and the banterings of a monkey mind.
I believe that when Jesus is attributed to saying that
he will destroy the world with fire that indeed he
meant the world of ignorance through the FIRE of
When a Master cuddles up in your arms, succumbed by
fever--a different kind of fire, wrapped in your LOVE,
literally near your heart, it is easy to experience
that pure state of UNCONDITIONAL ESSENCE as I see his
WHOLENESS. As Vincent slept on my lap last night, I
kissed him, gently and gratefully as not to awaken him
from his sweet slumber knowing part of his SPIRIT has
gone off to play with other friends in the dimensions
of dreamland while part of him anchors in his feverish
body resting on me. Recognizing the POWER and
PRESENCE in this fierce fire of LIGHT, my wild child
of the Universe, my "WHY??" guy, I felt this wave of
LOVE, one that moves mountains and heals, deeply. I
wanted my LOVE to heal him. Today he seemed to be back
to his normal, wild self.
Earlier yesterday evening Anthony was in his forest
green flannel, footed pajamas. Snug as a bug in a rug.
How I wish I had one like his. Crazy curly hair, snot
all over, rosy cheeked and wired on his natural zest
for life, I watched him as he bounced around on the
sofa bed after having been in my room like a Mexican
jumping bean in a little half Sicilian body. I was
watching his every move, expression, way of being. I
was mesmerized by his movements of LIGHT.
Then I stared at Bella whose eyes were glazed on the
Olympic games---her longer hair, longer face, longer
fingers. Amazing how the body shapeshifts after time.
Remembering her when she was Anthony's sweet age.
Around three years old she had come into my room as I
had the Dalai Lama on the Internet receiving an
honorary degree. She drew pictures on the floor, went
back and forth to get snacks. Then, out of nowhere she
came back in and placed her palms together and bowed
at the screen. I was dumbstruck at this child's
awareness of the depth of respect for such a teacher.
Kids know the TRUTH when they see it. We should be
bowing to them for awakening us, reminding us of the
teachings of every MASTER that they embody. They have
such FAITH and BELIEF in the GOOD that is LIFE. She
also is an Indigo child, I just know. Embodying such
LIGHT in her troubled brain that learns differently
than her friends. I remind her daily of her uniqueness
and strengths of BEING, such a creative SPIRIT who
used to sing songs lamenting the death of a bird in
I look at these kids and I see the universe expanding.
I see GOD in their every revelation and whine. Yes,
whine. I see LIFE just wanting to experience ever so
deeply the diversity of being in every
emotion--whether it's swinging around on the front
lawn with me, fighting with each other, melting in
chocolate chip cookies, waving at the people on the
Moon, playing in the backyard after chasing fireflies
or chasing away squirrels like their crazy, Italian
grandmother, daydreaming on a spring day under the
clouds on a Mexican blanket my best friend Judy bought
years ago or traveling to mystical dimensions by the
wave of a magical blue-green crayon. I see only LOVE
manifested. In every expression and experience. I see
the CREATIVE GENIUS alive and well in these forces of
This is the FIRE that Jesus shared. The FIRE of LIFE.
To LOVE so deeply. So passionately present with the
PRESENCE. My pint size gurus have taught me well.
About the exhilaration of BEING.
I saw with such CLARITY how each of them is GOD. LIGHT
incarnate. Miniature mirrors of the universe.
Reflecting to me the TRUTH. How very beautiful.
I have felt this urge for the past two weeks to throw
my clothes in a suitcase, grab my hiking boots and a
camera and snag one of those incredible last minute
travel deals and sit with the mountain masters.
Sometimes I feel like I am insane with so much LIGHT
pouring through, wanting to express and experience the
sensualness of being. To taste the world. To dance
around the fires of each mystical land. Engaging in
the powerful PRESENCE in the myriad of expressions of
LIFE. I feel like I am on FIRE or am I just in it,
such a time of transition and transmutation for me. I
am the molded clay in the firepit being glazed into
being. But I'm a shapeshifter, malleable and always
moving in the direction of greater consciousness
expansion. NO one size fits all mold for me. I'm not
your average cup of tea. Margot understands this
aspect of my being. As we talk about it on my drive to
work today. She confirms that I am not crazy, just
full of LIFE.
I feel like my kids ground me. Bring me back to my
senses and stabilize me from floating off somewhere.
They sleep on my lap so I don't drift into outer
space. So that I know that GOD is indeed right in
front of me even though the mountains, rivers, oceans
and dusty roads of ancient lands and the MYSTERY of
LIFE hauntingly lure me. I have more work to do in
Dallas. Digging deeper in Inward Journey seeing where
my mind can be lazy or distracted. Manifesting so I
can prove these PRINCIPLES. Ah, hell, I manifest so
much LOVE. It will translate into money, soon. But I
am on FIRE with so much LOVE in my heart.
So I walk around. Not like a voyeur. But a witness of
the ONE. Seeing GOD today in everything especially
myself. My mood lighter than last night's energy.
Something didn't feel right and I just wouldn't accept
it. I meditated and treated instead. Work was easy
and effortless after getting there late through my
grumpy rantings to Margot about modern life and
traffic jams with a chicken truck in front of me.
All I could think about was the scene in "Chicken Run"
that I saw a thousand times with the kids, "I don't
want to be a pie!!" I was enjoying being human and
laughing at myself. I realize it's all part of some
cosmic game, some grand adventure in SPIRIT. I want
to be as present and funny as possible and not so full
of my lower ego self.
Sometimes I feel like my eyeballs are going to pop out
as I stare at LIFE all around me. My heart feels the
same way too--unable to contain itself in this small
space of a body. I stand in place twirling about
immersed in the knowing that it is ALL GOD. ALL of it.
The good, the annoying, the dude in his big truck
riding my ass on the slick freeway this m