Updated: Oct 3, 2019
Walking through emotions is a healthy way to presence what is lingering and move it beyond the body, out of the mind, clearing space for the new to arrive.
Walking in Texas heat can be a bit unnerving for me. My body sings at 55 and winces and whines at 80+ degrees. Lingering energy, thoughts, needed to move and even at 94 degrees it was not an option to say no.
A grief that has been living next door to my dreams since last February needed to get out. Unrelated events can trigger a cascade of dormant emotions, like critters living underneath the house, they are there, hiding quietly and cleverly, until provoked by seemingly random events. Like a ragged, used, straw broom that sweeps out the dust, something was seeking to be released. The current waves of thoughts stirred the sediments of the past. Lingering emotions hide within our psyche and manifest in our body.
What I noticed was a heaviness that followed me in the midst of the lightness of my being.
Such is the Sacred Paradox.
Mindfully present to every step, thoughts dashed by like the Krishna-blue dragonfly who greeted me. As marmalade pumpkins lined up the pathway at the Dallas Arboretum and Botanical Gardens, I imagined that these were all of the "yes" answers of my dreams made manifest.
The mind is such an enigma. Why are these thoughts still lingering and the feelings of disappointment, confusion, disbelief and heartache still present even though the situation happened seven months ago? The love, awakening and connection I experienced was far more powerful than any of those energies. The Good that arose was far more potent than any attachment to how I wanted it to be in the moment.
Rumination is one of my weaknesses. Pick up a journal and you will find the Cirque de Soleil rantings of a monkey mind stuck in lower egoic mode. I am not judging it and I have grown in so many ways. What I have noticed lately that it is subtle - like walking pneumonia. You are present but something is not quite right. Then it coughs itself up right in front of me.
"Oh, you're still there? What do you need to tell me?"
Arguing with reality and someone else's choices that you simply cannot understand at the deepest level can be a mind f#ck if you don't watch your mind.
I noticed what arose.
"Hello, grief. I thought you had moved on. OK, you can walk with me. Talk to me. What do I need to know?"
Yesterday's heat melted all of that. Something about walking slowly, feeling the slight burn of the Sun's rays on my skin, taking in the panoramic colors of fall even though the temperatures were not in alignment with the season, I had an acute awareness that something was melting, literally, within me.
By the end of my walk, I felt lighter than when I entered.
It was impossible to sit with my emotions. They needed to move. No longer squatters in a house divided, my mind came to rest in the present moment, my heart healed a bit more and my dreams rose to the surface of moving forward.
One step at a time.
Sometimes you just have to move your feet.
Let it all roll on and be free.
Until you arrive HOME, the heart of your being.